Letting Go of the Rope
The last couple weeks I was feeling a low-grade unsettledness and antsiness.
It didn’t feel like the mid-February winter blues I’ve often experienced in the past; more like a general sense of dissatisfaction.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was behind the feeling, so I took some time this weekend to reflect on it. I used my own personal combination of journaling, writing a letter to myself, sun sign horoscope reading, and a tarot card pull.
What became clear as the common thread through all of that: I’ve been ‘should’-ing myself a lot lately. No wonder I’ve been feeling unsettled and dissatisfied. ‘Should’ is powerful word of judgment.
It’s time for me to stop the ‘shoulds.’ I am letting go of that self-judgment, allowing myself to just ‘be,’ and open up to what ‘is.’
And then I can move forward from a place of choice: I ‘choose to’ rather than I ‘should.’
Ahh, I feel the weight of my self-judgment lifting, replaced by the freedom that comes with acceptance.
That reminded me of a ‘tug-of-war’ metaphor* exercise I sometimes do with my clients (and this weekend was helpful for me!):
First, I identify the tug-of-war I’m in right now (with a thought, with another person, with a behavior).
I’ve got one end of the rope and my ‘should’ thought has the other end. In between us is a gaping abyss. I’m pulling backward as hard as I can, but my ‘should’ thought keeps pulling me closer to the abyss.
What’s the best thing to do in that situation?
I could pull harder. That’s our natural, instinctive tendency.
But the harder I pull, the harder my ‘should’ thought pulls.
So what else can I do?
I can drop the rope. I can stop the tug-of-war with that thought. Doesn’t mean the thought is gone, but I’m not caught in the struggle with it anymore.
Now there’s energy to choose another action (and yes, acceptance is an action).
* This exercise is adapted from the book “ACT made simple” by Russ Harris (a leading Acceptance and Commitment Therapy trainer)
I’m curious, what thought/feeling/person/behavior are you in a Tug-of-War with right now?
What would happen if you let go of the rope?
I’d love to hear!
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Let's start from where you are, and go from there,
Elizabeth
Elizabeth Knell, PCC, ELI-MP
Go From There - Conscious Change Coach
elizabeth@gofromthere.co
gofromthere.co